August 13, 2010 in Acceptance, Balance, Career Coaching, Communication, Compassion, Fearless, Grief, Healing, Intuition, Knowledge, Love, Purpose, Relationships, Spiritual Connection, success, Thought, Uncategorized, Understanding, Wisdom
”What can I do to help someone who has lost a child? I get asked this quite often and although I have previously written some about it in my other blogs there are some additional things I would like to add. In my own experience many of my friends and family were great support, there were others however who either shied away from me as they did not know what to do or were worried they might say the wrong thing. Some were hit and miss, they were often one time helpful and another not. The following are some things you can do to better support a grieving parent:
Acknowledge that your friends child has died and the impact this has had on your friend. Show interest in your friends feelings and worries. Realize you cannot and do not need to make them feel better. It is okay and healthy for either or both of you to cry. Listen when your friend wants to talk and keep it confidential. Try not to give too much advice because you feel helpless. Your friend has all the answers and your job is to listen, reflect back and help them to find those answers from within themselves.
Admit you don’t know what to do for your friend. Let your friend know you feel inadequate to help and do not know what to do and take their direction if you can. If you feel overwhelmed by the intensity of it let your friend know why you need to take a break from it for awhile.
Learn what it is your grieving friend is experiencing. Read up on grief on the internet, check into books on grieving, talk with others that have dealt with grieving parents. Understand that your friend may be tired, irritable, edgy, forgetful and have trouble focusing due to anxiety, stress and grief. Realize that grief takes time and your friend is learning a new normal for him or herself. You may sometimes see that your friend needs you and other times they may want to be alone. Sometimes they will want to talk and other times be silent with you.
Help as and when you can- and realize small things help a lot too. Meals, breads, cookies, errand running, phone calls, offers to take other kids for a bit and cards and notes all help.
Try and take things with a grain of salt. Many grieving parents have not the energy to be considerate or nice so try not to take words or actions by them personally.
Grief changes a person and although some friendships deepen some drift apart. Try and be open and accepting of change and grieve if you must the loss of the old friendship.
Peace & Light,
Certified From Heartbreak to Happiness Coach
“Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself?”