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Mysterious Things That Can Happen To Us While Grieving

May 21, 2010 in Acceptance, Balance, Compassion, Grief, Healing, Intuition, Knowledge, Love, Perception, Purpose, Rainbow Bridge Coaching and Healing, Spiritual Connection, Thought, Understanding, Wisdom

In the parents grief support group I attended after I lost my son there was often talk of strange occurrences that seemed to happen to not all but many of the parents . By strange occurrences I mean things out of the normal range that are unexplainable and that seem to follow or surround the death of their children. The interesting thing about the discussions is that not one of the parents was spooked by the occurrences nor thought they were evil, witchy, satanic, or otherwise came from or led to anything bad. In fact most parents seemed heartened by them feeling their child was connecting to them in some way as if they were trying to reassure them that they were OK.

There is one couple that I met who see butterflies in the strangest places and at the strangest times. In fact they have finally built a butterfly flower garden in their backyard so they can sit there to enjoy it and through those butterflies feel close to the daughter they lost.

Another set of parents I know have had experiences with lights, especially a certain lamp in their home going on by itself. This started soon after they lost their son. They feel it is a way for him to connect to them from the new realm he is in. A way to say hello! I am here and okay! It gives them great peace of mind and reassurance that he is okay where he is and is still watching over them.

Many other parents claim to see what is called an orb of light. I round bright ball of light that is sometimes seen around someone before, during or after death. We have pictures taken several months before my son died where there is an orb seen in the picture by him. I was told by a number of parents in my support group they too had looked back at pictures taken of their child who had died and noticed these strange round lights near them.

Many of us experience some kind of unusual occurrence when we are grieving. Often we are embarrassed to talk about these curious events. We wonder if others around us may think us crazy. We are most certainly not though. Many normal average people experience these sorts of things upon losing someone.

For example my son’s greatest trouble with being employed once he was old enough to be, was his loss of freedom. He told me once before he died that he valued his freedom more than he did money. He would rather be poorer and be free to spend his time doing what he wanted with his friends and family than have money to buy an expensive car, etc and lose his freedom by being tied to a job and the material things most people are. Of course as his mom and the voice of logic I explained how you must get a good education and job so you have good insurance and pay for all that may come your way so life is easier for you and your own family should you have one. We had this argument through his three years in college and he frustrated me as he worked hard at school but not also at a job after school. He choose instead to live meagerl,y to keep his prioritized freedom as opposed to working more and having more money for things. Looking back I am glad he choose what he did. Had I known he was going to be murdered I would of chosen the same for him so he could enjoy the time he had with friends and family doing the things he enjoyed to do. Did he know or sense something about his life being short?

As a high school senior he was not happy like I thought he would be about graduating when we talked about it. I remember him telling me he wished he could do another year in high school as he liked things as they were and knew his freedom would lesson upon going into college and beyond. Again looking back did he sense something I wonder about what was to come? He flat out told me several times in his life he did not think he was going to grow old. Just a feeling he said. Other parents who have lost children have told me similar stories about their own kids. Do they sense or have a feeling about their untimely deaths?

The day of his memorial almost two years after he had gone missing and again a week later when we scattered his remains I noticed a golden eagle above me in the sky. In Montana that in itself was not odd. Not only did Josh love the freedom of Eagles but he had an Eagle blanket in his room on his bed. Both of these days every time I looked up outside this golden eagle was overhead. I counted 5 different stops the first day when that eagle was over me and a week later while we were out of town scattering his ashes there was that darn eagle again. When we returned home a second time that day I saw a golden eagle overhead and again later that day 3 more times before the day was over. Ten times in all, five times each day! By the third or fourth time I was saying “Hi Josh, I see you, thanks for being so close to us, it helps since this is so terribly hard to do!” or later when I looked up “Hi Josh, love you too much, too!” Inexplicably I felt each time that it was too often to be coincidence or my wishful thinking. I felt as if I was being touched by either my son Josh, God or both when I needed it most.

There are many who have tried to find explanations for this kind of thing. In science they call it the -Laws of Seriality and Object-Impact Interactions. In physics-Implicate Order and Morphogenic Fields. Many have written about -Synchronicity and those in theology tell of -Grace and a Higher Being.

What I have found is that these mysterious events especially in our early grief are not to be understood so much as to notice them and reflect on them. Noticing something unusual does not mean we are crazy. We don’t always need to be able to understand something to be comforted by it or be surprised by it. My belief is that these occurrences are meant to be respite from dealing daily with loss. Often they stay with us for a long time if not forever. They are gifts sent to us, moments to be honored. Times when we realize that some things are a mystery and that there may be a presence we cannot explain. As for me I have now come face to face with the fact that I can be affected by something even when I do not understand it and it can give me immense and lasting comfort.

Peace & Light,

Stella Wichman

Certified From Heartbreak to Happiness Coach

www.parentsgriefrecovery.com

“Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself?”

Thomas Jefferson

Tags: attitude, coaching, decision-making, emotions, grief, Grief Recovery, grieving parents, growth, intuition, knowing, Love, opportunity for growth, parents grief, peace, Purpose, rainbow bridge, spirit, spiritual growth, spirituality, Thought, truth, understand 2 Comments »

by Stella

Time Alone Does Not Heal Grief…

May 7, 2010 in Acceptance, Balance, Career Coaching, Communication, Compassion, Grief, Healing, Knowledge, Love, Motivation, Perception, Purpose, Rainbow Bridge Coaching and Healing, Spiritual Connection, Thought, Understanding, Wisdom

Immediately after I found out my son had been murdered people starting telling me “time heals all wounds”. I am sure they told me this because they wanted to say something to make me feel better or because they had heard the phrase before and it seemed to fit or because they did not know what else to say. I can honestly say that at first when you lose a child it seems like time is the enemy. The impossibly long harrowing days blended into even longer agonizing nights of pain, loneliness and confusion make one wish that time could be stopped and even better reversed to a point when your child was still happy and with you. Then there is the sudden realization that now that your child has died you will never see him on this earth again. That all you really have to hold onto if you are religious or spiritual is that you will eventually be together again but you also soon realize that it will be a long time in coming and in another place. And that thought puts you at odds with time as well!

What I did find out about time and healing is that although time moves along it alone does not heal. Healing is an active process not a passive one. When you have a wound and do not care for it properly, although it may scab over it often gets infected underneath, takes longer to heal and leaves a scar.

When we lose a child we feel as though our heart and mind and very soul have been mortally wounded. We eventually seem to heal up but if we have not cared for those wounds properly while healing then they too merely scab over closing off the infection beneath which greatly lengthens the healing process experts say and can take according to (Time Magazine July, 1985) 5 to 8 years to recover. Most generally as well this too can leave a bad scar.

The basic definition of to heal means to make whole again. When we become sick something or someone has affected our wholeness. To get back to wholeness we must either eliminate the thing that is affecting our wholeness as in taking antibiotics for strep say or we must integrate it so that we no longer see it as a threat. Once we can do that it no longer has the same impact and we are free to heal and move on.

A common factor among many grieving parents I found is that once they were able to create a shift in thinking and acceptance as if they had chosen their loss themselves they were free to move forward again into happiness. And although not easy to do even when guided by a grief recovery coach or other professional this was necessary to help them heal.

Healing is thought of as a spiritual idea where as curing is a medical concept. That is why it is an active process that we must participate in, it does not happen to us as in curing by a doctor. As in the saying “Physician heal thyself” we must be active in order to heal from the wounds of child loss. To do that we learn how to stay open and accepting the very thing that wounded us.

In Lamaze classes I learned to embrace the pains of childbirth and relax through them as I was taught to view them as completely normal and natural physical and emotional responses to the birth of one’s baby. In doing so I was able to endure up to 20 hours of labor followed by delivery of a healthy baby together with a few stitches of some slightly torn tissue. All this with no medication of any kind nor an episiotomy. And I went home the next day!

Lamaze as well as chronic pain management teaches one not to tighten up around the pain but to relax and allow the pain to be present. The idea taught is that when pain is resisted it intensifies but when we relax and accept it, it can move and flow through us easier. Pain is merely an alert that something is wrong whether it be something physical, emotional, spiritual or mental and all we need do is listen. To relax and breath through it. We do not want to fight it but learn from it.

Time alone does not heal but healing takes time. To be healed we can give ourselves the time we each need to open to the pain and open to the loss. As we do this we grow as we include more of what life holds. We include what would have been lost to us if our hearts and minds had closed against the pain. We include what would have been lost if we had not taken the time we needed to work at the healing we needed all along.

Peace & Light,

Stella Wichman

Certified From Heartbreak to Happiness Coach

www.parentsgriefrecovery.com

“Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself?”

Thomas Jefferson

Tags: attitude, Balance, choice, coaching, emotions, gratitude, grief, Grief Recovery, grieving parents, growth, intuition, knowing, opportunity for growth, parents grief, Purpose, rainbow bridge, reflection, relationships, spiritual growth, spirituality, success, Thought, trust yourself, truth, understand, unity, vision No Comments »

by Stella

WHAT DOES GRIEF RECOVERY MEAN?

March 26, 2010 in Acceptance, Balance, Compassion, Grief, Grounding, Healing, Knowledge, Love, Motivation, Purpose, Rainbow Bridge Coaching and Healing, Relationships, Spiritual Connection, success, Thought, Understanding, Wisdom

In January I touched upon the subject of recovery after the death of a child. When I say recovery I do not mean a neatly complete type of closure but rather a regaining of the ability to function at a previous level, an integration of one’s loss and a successful resolution of the situation. In some ways, though, we can never recover totally, because we will never be exactly the way we were before. The loss of a child, changes us in many ways. What we can recover are our attributes and our capabilities, even though other aspects of us are different. We now have a slightly different self, due to the changes in us and our world as a consequence of our Child’s death.

THE RECOVERY GOAL

Our goal in grief recovery should be to learn to live with our loss and to adjust to our new “Normal”. This is arrived at by making many adjustments; I call them course corrections due to our new identity, our new relationship with the child we lost and readjusting to our new life without our child. This happens at the uniquely right time for each one of us and happens by reinvesting ourselves in new people, things, goals, pursuits etc. This is not the same thing as wanting or choosing the loss it just means you no longer have to fight it. You accept it in the way of learning to live with it as a fact of our life.

Recovery is when we can combine the past with the new present. Not that we will ever forget but we will not always agonize over our loss as much or as hard. Just like a physical operation which leaves a scar, our recovery from grief will also leave a psychic scar. And although we will be able to live our life there will be days again just like having a physical scar that it will throb or ache. It will remind us of what we have been through and that we will have to deal with it until it passes.

WHAT RECOVERY DOES NOT MEAN

Recovery does not mean forgetting our child or the way things were. It is not the end of our relationship with that child. It most certainly does not mean the end of our pain and that we are always happy again. We choose what recovery isn’t! Recovery will not mean that we do not experience bursts of grief as we live our life coming from familiar smells, sights, sounds, places, occasions and reminders of our child. It does not mean that we won’t wish for our child to be present for certain events in our life nor that our child was present to experience many of the things in life like graduation, marriage, children etc. that we imagined they would be experiencing. And it certainly does not mean we will not wonder what they might look like at a certain age or wish they were able to share in our joys or be proud of us even.

Recovery does not mean the end of grieving; it means we have painfully but successfully integrated the loss of our child so as not to interfere with our ongoing healthy functioning new life as we now know it. We will never stop grieving entirely. The following passage discussing widows is written by psychiatrist Gerald Caplan. It can be applied to bereaved parents as well.

We now realize that most [bereaved persons] continue the psychological work of mourning for their loved ones for the rest of their lives. During the turmoil and struggles of the first one to three years, most [bereaved persons] generally learn how to circumscribe and segregate this mourning within their mental economy and how to continue living despite its burden. After this time they are no longer actively mourning, but their loss remains a part of them and now and again they are caught up in a resurgence of feelings of grief. This happens with decreasing frequency as time goes on, but never ceases entirely. (Caplan 1974, viii).

The goal for a bereaved parent in Grief Recovery should be to come to terms with their grief and to have healthy productive lives in spite of the loss of their child rather than expecting a complete and permanent end to their grief.

WHAT RECOVERY MEANS

Grief changes you. It redefines roles, relationships and skills. Again like a physical scar the psychic scar we now have can give us character or vulnerability. But it is up to us how we will respond. We did not have a choice in losing our child but for the rest of our life we can choose how to respond to the scar after we have worked through the early on acute period of grief which affects all areas of our life. It is up to us whether or not after that we want to make the most out of our lives or stay bitter, whether we choose to integrate the loss into our lives so we grow or stay stuck in our grief like tires in the sand unable to move forward. Eventually we may be able to see how our loss can also be a gift from our child to use in incredible ways that would have otherwise never had happened if not for our loss. Or we can carry with us the sense that the world owes us now. It is our choice.

There are an incredible number of parents who have shown the positive things that can be done after losing a child. This is not the same thing as choosing to lose your child but choosing to recover from it and make something positive from a negative situation. I do not mean this to sound unrealistically positive or sappy as in denying our pain and the price we pay for losing our child. Instead I mean that even though we have lost our child we can decide that it will have some positive meaning for the rest of our own life.

The numbers of positive varied responses I have been privileged to see or hear about are amazing. As in the song “To Live Like You Were Dying” being touched by the death of our child opens our eyes to new possibilities and experiences and priorities that we may not have seen before or choose to overlook in the past. An example would be spending more time with the loved ones we still have. Not putting off saying things or doing things with them as we now know how precious, brief and fragile life can be but living each day more fully and meaningfully because of the death.

Many grieving parents find themselves more compassionate and caring towards others as they have developed a new sensitivity due to their loss. They have found a new or enhanced ability to pick up on and discuss sensitive emotional issues with others. Parents I have talked to often note increased religiousness and spirituality as well as heightened levels of consciousness. Like a dying individual the experience of losing a child has opened many parents up to taking time to enjoy the simple things in life that they once were in too big of a hurry to even notice. Many turn to the arts creating music, art, literature etc. from their pain.
Many decide to take their pain and rage and funnel it into helping others which in turn helps them as well. They start or assist in support groups for bereaved parents to help other grieving parents such as Compassionate Friends for example. Many bereaved parents strive to get political changes made through groups like Parents of Murdered Children to ensure no others suffer the same bereavement.

Successfully enduring the pain and suffering of grief allows us to find a deeper sense of self-worth, understanding of ourselves, life and of others. We are more passionate, compassionate and stronger than we were because we faced and got through our adversity. The death of our child has been one of our greatest lessons!

Many parents find some things are sweeter so to speak than ever before. Our relationships take on new dimensions as we have survived the worst. We want to get on with the business of living focusing on our newly found priorities. We are more assertive and set more limits than we may have before as we don’t wish to waste time on the people and things we put up with in the past.

Many parents find their own way to recovery and others like me rather than take the amount of time it takes to figure it out ourselves choose to use a Grief Recovery Coach. Some parents choose the opposite of the responses above and can become hardened, angry, and bitter and stuck in their grief. This is their choice too. You can not change others just your response to others. This goes here too! You did not have a choice in your child’s death but you do have a choice in your response to the death once the initial shock has worn off. Recognize you can make a choice. Take responsibility for the choice you make and do not think that if you chose something positive and constructive with the loss you have somehow betrayed your child or have stopped loving them. On the contrary many parents see it as a way of honoring their child! A way to continue their relationship with that child and to love them despite death!

Peace & Light,

Stella Wichman

Certified From Heartbreak to Happiness Coach

www.parentsgriefrecovery.com

“Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself?”

Thomas Jefferson

Tags: attitude, Balance, coaching, decision-making, emotions, goals, gratitude, grief, Grief Recovery, grieving parents, growth, intuition, knowing, Love, opportunity for growth, parents grief, passion, peace, Purpose, rainbow bridge, reflection, relationships, spirit, spiritual growth, spirituality, success, Thought, trust yourself, truth, understand, vision No Comments »

by Stella

What Should You Say To A Grieving Parent?

January 15, 2010 in Acceptance, Communication, Compassion, Fearless, Grief, Healing, Intuition, Knowledge, Love, Motivation, Perception, Purpose, Rainbow Bridge Coaching and Healing, Relationships, Spiritual Connection, Thought, Understanding, Wisdom

ME 1 SEATTLE This question comes up all the time? People who have never lost a child just do not know what it is like. They often want to know what to say to help or what to say to ease their discomfort when encountering a grieving parent.

As a parent who has lost a child and as a Grief Recovery Coach I know that what is said especially early on after the loss can make a difference in how hard and how long the parent’s grief journey is. As both the parent of a missing child and as the grieving parent of a child who has died I encountered many awful and many wonderful things said to me. Most of the time when someone made a remark or an ignorant platitude I realized they just did not understand, other times when caught off guard I was hurt and often angered. Sometimes I recognized that it was I who was not receptive, especially in my early grief to many comments said to me.

But I am of the belief that people as a whole are good and mean well and just need to be enlightened a little so below are some good examples of the worst and the best things to say to someone who is heartbroken.

Things not to say:

It will just take time, soon you’ll be over it, I know how you feel, It’s God’s will, you’re young you can have more, keep busy and you won’t have time to dwell on this, be grateful you had him for this many years.

Things to say:

My heart hurts for you. I am here for you. I can’t imagine how you feel? Your world must be upside down? I don’t know what to say, what happened? Grief is a normal and natural reaction to loss, so what can I do to help? What was your son or daughter like? Tell me something about your child.

One more thing to know when talking with a grieving parent is that we do not want to be fixed; it is our heart that has been broken not our head. We need to own our grief at first as that is our connection still with our child whom we have lost. We need the chance to feel our way through our grieving stages to heal at our own pace. So please do not feel the need to hurry us along, instead acknowledge our loss, don’t ignore it or minimize the elephant in the room so to speak. Know we need support while we are healing whether it is listening, help with tasks, time off from a job etc. Realize that at times we need nothing at all said, that what we need most is someone to hold us tight when we need it and ask for it!

Peace & Light,

Stella Wichman

Certified From Heartbreak to Happiness Coach

www.parentsgriefrecovery.com

“Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself?”

Thomas Jefferson

Tags: choice, coaching, Communication, decision-making, emotions, gratitude, grief, Grief Recovery, grieving parents, growth, intuition, knowing, Love, opportunity for growth, parents grief, peace, Purpose, rainbow bridge, relationships, spiritual growth, spirituality, Thought, truth, understand No Comments »

by Georgia Feiste

Purpose – What Problem Are You The Solution To?

December 21, 2009 in Grounding, Motivation, Physical Health, Prosperity, Purpose, Purposeful Employment, Rainbow Bridge Coaching and Healing, retirement, Thought, Understanding, Values, Vitality

I spent the morning with my good friend, Stella, today. We share many common interests including coaching, spirituality, love of nature, and the healing power of love. As usual, our conversations were all over the place, from her impending move to Montana, the growth and development of Rainbow Bridge Coaching and Healing, my desire to put together a Spiritual study of the differing world religions, and how to know what your niche is as a coach.

My dilemma in defining my niche has been two-fold. First, as a coach, we are often told to coach what you know. Well, I know a lot. How do I pick? Secondly, we are often told that we will begin to see a pattern around who is coming to us for coaching. OK, but it appears on the surface that people are coming to me for a variety of reasons – and there is no real pattern. All I could see was the synchronicity of what people were coming to me to be coached on: transitions I had completed in my life, or was close to completing, or were percolating along in the background. She then asked me a very “coachy” question – “What problem are you the solution to?”

I looked at her with this dumbfounded look on my face, I’m sure. The common thread, of course, was transitions. Moving from one stage of life to another, from a future dream to dealing with the present, from being a desirable and successful employee to being RIF’d, from full-time employment to solopreneur and retirement, from my mother role to supportive friend and confidant, and on and on. Yes, I know a lot – but the one thing I’m getting pretty darn good at is transition and change.

My next question was “what changes have you needed the most help with?” Ah, that was an easy one.

Learning that one of my children had an incurable disease that would leave him permanently disabled over time.
Learning one of my children was gay and the dreams I had from the time I conceived this child needed to be set aside, and new dreams built together, based on who he was.
Getting to my mother-role of supportive friend and confidant to both of my children.
Career transition – Knowing in my heart about six years ago that I no longer wanted to continue with the job I had held for better than 25 years, but stayed with out of loyalty I felt for the company and my family’s future. And, then being RIF’d from that same job three years later along with many other souls. My unhappiness had come through, and the Universe decided to do for me what I could not do for myself. However, my transition took the form of recognizing that I was not my job, nor was my job me.
Taking another job in a major insurance company, going through that transition, and then being RIF’d again after eighteen months as they began their downsizing. This was a useful step for me in my transition into retirement. It also supported my knowing that my job needed to support who I was, and needed to be chosen from purpose and passion.
Making the choice to retire and become a coach. My transition into retirement is not completed, nor will it be for many years. However, I realized early on that I wanted a meaningful and purposeful retirement. Five days a week on the golf course was not the life I wanted to live for the next thirty years.
Discovering I have Fibromyalgia and Diabetes, and knowing that unless I take excellent care of myself, these chronic diseases will get the best of me.

So, have I answered “what problem am I the solution to?”

Every ending is the start of a new beginning. It’s normal to mourn the part of the journey that is coming to an end. It is what we know, and there is often fear of the unknown as we begin that next part of life’s journey. Sometimes, it is extremely difficult to end the portion of the journey that it is now time to let go of, and we vacillate back and forth for a very long time before we take a big breath and say “Okay, I’m ready, let’s go.” This is when I needed a coach, and I am thankful she was there to help me move through some incredibly tough times. The joy is in taking that next sweet step, and knowing it is the right step for you.

So, the problem: Change is a way of life, and is something we both embrace, and move with, or we become stuck.

The solution: If we are willing to move with the change, but are having difficulty, it is often helpful to hire a coach to help create clarity around the situation, focus on what it is we really want the outcome to be (vision), help us set goals and choose the next step, and the next, and the next, until we achieve the grace and luminosity of knowing we are on the path we are meant to be. All the while, providing support and encouragement as we make the shifts we need to make as we move forward.

This is what I know, but it is my truth. You must seek and find yours.

Tags: change, coaching, goals, grace, growth, journey, knowing, opportunity for growth, path, Purpose, purpose driven life, retirement, spirit, truth, Values, vision No Comments »

by Stella

The Half Full Cup

December 6, 2009 in Acceptance, Healing, Rainbow Bridge Coaching and Healing, Spiritual Connection, Thought, Uncategorized, Understanding, Wisdom

ME 1 SEATTLE The reasons this time of year seem so terribly difficult for those of us who have lost a child is due to many things…

Christmas is a gathering time with all your family. Its in our past memories, it’s on TV; it’s what we see happening with families around us. And although most of us have experienced Holidays where someone could not make it a particular year due to unforeseen circumstances, most often it was temporary. I found when I lost my son that this time of year brings to focus the reality that your family will never again be all together, like other families you see. Each year has held different feelings for me as I have moved forward and out of my grief:

The first Christmas after Josh went missing felt like being adrift in the sea after a storm. No compass bearings, scared to death and in survival mode. I hardly remember Christmas other than buying him gifts in case he came home. Then New Years Eve boxing them all up, sobbing and putting them in his closet just in case.
The second Holiday time I was in an endlessly deep grief. The feeling that there was little hope yet I couldn’t give up on my son, I had to keep going on, I had to keep trying to find him. I was exhausted and things were looking grim for everyone on the case and I was just trying to make some kind of sense of it all. That year I remember again buying Josh gifts, ones I could gift someone else if my son did not return. That Christmas I traveled out of state to my daughters home and spent the day watching my grandchildren open their gifts and the evening taking a walk alone so I could cry out to the heavens over my missing son alone. A few days later I gifted a total stranger on the street, who looked down and out, Josh’s presents and felt some sense of peace when he started to cry for my generosity as they were all things that would keep him warm. I felt Josh would have approved.
The third Christmas was when I reached my lowest point, the 3^rd Christmas without my son and the first after finding he had been murdered after going missing for almost 2 years. I remember having a conversation with God about the whole unfairness of it and the emptiness and terrible pain I was feeling. I was angry that there was now nothing that I could do to get Josh back and feeling sad I would not ever see him again and during that conversation I was suddenly made aware of the fact that although I was hurting terribly and wanted my child back with me, my cup had not been left empty. It was up to me to look for and remind myself of those things and those people who were there to add to my cup! So I started donating my time at a city mission that Holiday season amongst other things. I felt Josh’s approval again in this!
This fourth Christmas since I lost Josh I find I want to reflect back and share what I have learned and experienced, with other parents, in the hopes that it helps someone. This season I hope to find again at least one total stranger who seems as down and out as I was when I first lost Josh. But this time instead of giving warm clothes like last year I hope to use the gifts I have received from my son, the gifts of wisdom, love, compassion and clarity in what really matters. And use those in my writing, speaking and Grief coaching to help others. In honoring my son this way I also once again feel his approval!

This Holiday season if you are grieving the loss of your child and feel things are dark, cold, hopeless and sad, this is when it is important to remember The Half Full Cup philosophy which is the philosophy of simply looking at your cup as half full rather than half empty.

This is the reason gratitude which I wrote about last week is so very important! It is not easy but if you try and keep at it eventually you too will see some of the things I’ve seen to add to your cup such as:

When it’s cold, grey and snow-covered, try and look for the Cardinal or Black Capped Chickadees setting in the tree bright and cheery and totally oblivious of the weather!

When families are together, entire families and you are reflecting on your own loss, look hard for all the love and warmth you still get from those around you and remember there are those in the world with even less family and friends than you have at your Christmas gathering.

When your finances seem gloomy after the expenses of having lost a child, be grateful you have something to gift big or small to someone you love. Even if it is the gift of time spent with a stranger who needs that from someone!

When you don’t seem to be able to find the energy or the desire or the money to fix that Christmas dinner, remind yourself it is not the food nor the people at your table that define Christmas. It is the love and compassion and spirit of giving no matter to whom, no matter how small! That is the Spirit of Christmas!

I believe God keeps gifting us the people and situations to keep our cup full even after we lose a child. It is up to us though to realize that the gifts sent our way will remain unopened and useless unless we open our eyes to them and receive them!

Peace & Light,

Stella Wichman

Certified From Heartbreak to Happiness Coach

www.parentsgriefrecovery.com

“Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself?”

Thomas Jefferson

Tags: attitude, Balance, choice, coaching, decision-making, emotions, gratitude, grief, Grief Recovery, grieving parents, growth, intuition, knowing, opportunity for growth, parents grief, rainbow bridge, reflection, spiritual growth, truth, understand No Comments »

by Georgia Feiste

Gaining Personal Power

November 23, 2009 in Balance, Grounding, Knowledge, Physical Health, Pleasure, Rainbow Bridge Coaching and Healing, Relationships, Thought, Vitality

It occurs to me that so many of us give up a great deal of personal power in one of two ways. Changing this behavior yields a happier and more fulfilled life.

First, particularly for women, we have an innate need to please others. We have been trained to do this from birth! This training has led to us externalizing where we go for approval, gratitude and appreciation. When we do not receive what we are looking for, we often feel shamed, fearful and resentful. These feelings leave us drained – they suck the energy right out of us. We try harder.

Second, many of us try to control situations and people. We believe that control gives us power, and provides us with some semblance of being in charge. If we can’t control overtly, we may attempt to do so through manipulation. We expend an enormous amount of energy trying to control our lives – when in fact, we have very little control over anything other than ourselves, and our reasonable and intentional response to what life hands us.

Stepping back from the propensity to please, or the desire to control, is one of the most difficult steps we can take toward creating a purposeful life. Pleasing others and attempting to control people and situations are very addictive behaviors. And, as with all addictive behaviors, they take a toll on us. When they have a solid hold on us, we find ourselves in constant turmoil which has an effect on our thoughts, our spirit and our health.

How do we regain our personal power? The first step is to get to the truth of what causes us to feel drained. What is it we are looking for? What are the situations that bring about this type of behavior? Become aware of when the need to please or control is triggered, and the behavior that accompanies it. All of it, even the part that isn’t very pretty.

The second step is to take action. Knowledge without action accomplishes nothing. Once you realize what initiates the needful response, re-negotiate your relationship with the situation or the people involved. Set boundaries and create your own personal standards. Create your plan for taking charge of your personal power and living a more joyful life.

What drains you of energy?

What can you do today to build your reserve of personal power?

Georgia Feiste, owner of Collaborative Transitions, located in Lincoln, NE, is a business, career and personal life coach, writer, and workshop facilitator. Her passion is success grounded in purpose and passion, standards of integrity and priorities in life. She provides support and encouragement as her clients set intentional goals to attain their desires, holding open the space they need to stretch and grow. Her website is http://www.collaborativetransitions.com, and she can be reached at (402) 484-8098.

Tags: attitude, coaching, emotions, health, knowing, personal power, Purpose, spirit, truth, vitality 1 Comment »

by Georgia

Begin Where You Are

September 22, 2009 in Values

Where do you start when creating your day?

Begin where you are, not where you wish you were, or think you should be. I tweeted the previous thought a couple of days ago, and thought I was done. But, the universe has a way of stepping in and saying, “Not yet, Georgia.” Over the course of the weekend, and throughout the day today, I have been reminded of this while conducting the last session of my workshop, attending services on Sunday, in two classes today, and during my mastermind group call. So, it must mean I need to take more action on this thought.

Beginning where you are requires you to look deep within yourself to find the truth of who you are and embrace it. In my class today, one of my fellow coaches said she didn’t know who she is. I was surprised, and wanted to reach out and embrace her because I heard real confusion. As I reflect on it, I am not surprised by her statement. Finding the truth of who you are is one of the most challenging things I have worked on over the last year. And, I’m still contemplating that question daily, creating my “To Be” list at the beginning of the day, right before I create my “To Do” list.

Beginning where you are is really a state of being, who you are today, in this present moment. You are perfectly aligned with your world, and ready to grow and build from there. You are able to look at the outcome you desire in any situation, and who you need to be in order to respond effectively. You begin to live intentionally, and achieve the goals you set to get you to your vision, and fulfill your life purpose.

When you try to begin from where you think you should be, you are looking externally at what has been defined for you by the media, family, friends and many others. This may or may not ring true with you as you consider your values and what you hold as a priority for you in life. If it does not, it will create a dissonance you will find difficult to live with.

Finally, it is almost impossible to begin from where you wish you were. Wishing is a dream without action.

What techniques do you use to find the truth of who you are, and create alignment? Please leave a comment, I would love to hear from you.

Tags: Begin where you are, know who you are, life purpose, live intentionally, state of being, To Be, truth No Comments »

by Georgia

Getting to the Truth

September 13, 2009 in Compassion, Healing, Wisdom

What an interesting journey, and one that I am becoming more and more interested in as time goes by. Some say truth resides in their religion, some in their rejection of religion and belief in humanity. Some find their truth in politics. Others find it in their passion for sports. I believe that truth resides in the person and that it morphs as they traverse their own path toward enlightenment. My truth today is different than my truth six months ago, a month ago, or even yesterday.

Yesterday, I did something I said I would not do. I made a political statement on my Facebook page – voting yes to a poll asking my opinion as to whether I thought Barack Obama was doing well as President of the United States. It appeared on my Facebook wall. I admit, I like him. He looks at all sides to an issue, deliberates, and moves forward in an intentional manner, standing in his truth. I don’t always agree with him, but I admire the way in which he handles often difficult subjects. I approve of his willingness to compromise in some areas, and not in others.

I received a response from someone across the world, and I quote, “Obama is just another proponent of the US criminal foreign policy of interventionism and imperialism. Just another American butcher.” A link was attached taking me to a news report of the innocent killed in a bombing attack of Fayah City. My heart stopped for a brief moment as the strength of the respondent’s anger, pain, and hatred came through in those few words. I struggled with my emotions as I tried to wrap my brain around the pain that came back to me as a response to a poll I took in a light-hearted moment. I didn’t know how to respond back, or if I should.

As I pondered throughout my morning spent in pursuing my own spiritual growth, I knew that my only response could be to send her blessings and a wish for her own personal peace. Her truth is buried under all the anger and pain she is feeling, and until she is able and willing to recognize and forgive the lessons being offered in our world in an effort to generate the healing necessary for us to survive, it will be difficult for her to live in peace. Six months ago, I might not have responded in such a fashion. Such is my truth.

As I pondered, I read this paragraph. It portrays my thoughts, and resonated with me today. I would like to share it with you.

“On this road you will meet the liberating truth in many forms except in one form: you never will meet it in the form of propositions which you can learn or write down and take home. But you may encounter it in one sentence of a book or of a conversation or of a lecture, or even of a sermon. This sentence is not the truth, but it may open you up for the truth and it may liberate you from the bondage to opinions and prejudices and conventions. Suddenly, true reality appears like the brightness of lightening in a formerly dark place. Or, slowly, true reality appears like a landscape when the fog becomes thinner and thinner and finally disappears. New darknesses, new fogs will fall upon you; but you have experienced, at least once, the truth and the freedom given by the truth. Or you may be grasped by the truth in an encounter with a piece of nature— its beauty and its transitoriness; or in an encounter with a human being in friendship and estrangement, in love, in difference and hate; or in an encounter with yourself in a sudden insight into the hidden strivings of your soul, in disgust and even hatred of yourself, in reconciliation with and acceptance of yourself. In these encounters you may meet the true reality—the truth which liberates from illusions and false authorities, from enslaving anxieties, desires and hostilities, from a wrong self-rejection and a wrong self-affirmation.” Taken from The New Being, by Paul Tillich.

Truth is illusory, and highly dependent upon your ability to get past the thoughts, feelings and illusions you have taken on over the years. It takes effort, deep internal probing, and a willingness to let go of everything you know to be “true” about what you believe. But, it will set you free.

Tags: emotions, forgiveness, growth, Healing, reflection, respond, spirit, spiritual growth, truth, understand No Comments »